PLACES TO AVOID LIVING IN LONDON

PLACES TO AVOID LIVING IN LONDON

MANY WOULD ANSWER: LONDON

ALTERNATIVE ANSWER FROM STOOLY WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE PLACES TO AVOID LIVING IN LONDON MAP

Brixton – Located in Zone 2 and quite centralised when it comes to working in the city but has a known reputation which will make grown men avoid that area at all times of the day. I always travel through Brixton and it does look quite interesting but the fact that I’ve seen way too many police cars and tape in the high street has made me think twice about visiting.

Stratford – Located in North East London has become quite dangerous over the last couple of years. A lot of street gangs have taken over the area which makes me a little bit too nervous to travel in that area.

Stoke Newington – This area have seen a lot of stabbings lately between teen gang members which makes me wonder what the kids are up to these days. The area is not all that bad but the teenage gangs are really making the place look bad. London had 17 teenagers killed this year due to teenage gangs going after each other.

Acton – Various men have told me about this area and said that they would not want to live there. The area has a lot of outside influence with so many nationalities and cultures under one post code. The area seems to come alive during the day during trading hours but at night it is a whole new ball game.

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People do bad things in all London Boroughs if you catch my drift. Do not tempt anyone by walking around with flashy Ipods, mp3 players and digital cameras if not needed. Always check around you when you walk down a street and be a little bit observant....

LONDON SURVIVAL GUIDE

FROM CHANNEL 4

London's size and growth rate has now reached danger point. Officially its population is 7.3 million, inhabiting an area of 174 sq km. But these figures mask a more alarming truth. London has secretly spread far beyond its official limits, and continues to move out into the countryside.

London is no longer just a place. It's a state of mind. And Londoners are waging an undeclared war on the rest of the population. They use subtle but highly toxic lifestyle weapons. In a short time these can weaken an entire locality and lead to complete Londonisation: traffic gridlock, street crime, overpriced shopping enclaves, and a population obsessed with schools, fashionable bars and art shows.



These are some of the things to look out for:

Shiny 4x4 vehicles. But beware: these days some Londoners try to pass as locals by splashing their 4x4s with mud and putting a dog inside. Don't be fooled ndash; local 4x4s have dents, loose pages of classified ads and Tizer cans. Panini ndash; Italian-style bread, on sale instead of sandwiches or baps. Professional dog walkers, usually out with four to eight dogs, talking on mobiles while dogs half strangle themselves on their tangled extension leads and defecate on each other. Aggressive cyclists in pollution masks. Book groups. Sunglasses worn pushed up on head. Road rage, especially when held up briefly by bus for disabled. Ayurvedic massage oils on sale in the local Spar shop.

LONDON DOS AND DON'TS

FROM CHANNEL 4

If London has already taken over your neighbourhood, here are some tips for how to get along and not attract too much attention.

Eat Tunnocks caramel bars. Smile at strangers. Fraternise with your neighbours. Talk only to your designated friends (DFs). Talk to DFs face-to-face. Wait until you're with another DF or in a public place and then shout at them down your mobile phone. Drive a safe distance behind learner vehicles. 'Forcefield'. Londoners quickly learn to shut out anything disturbing or nasty from their eyeline. Frightened children, injured puppies, neighbours having heart-attacks ndash; simply sidestep and walk on. If they try to cling to you, shake them off. Constantly spend money on inessentials: bottled water, pedicures, 3-for-2 paperbacks, bucket-sized cups of coffee ndash; that sort of thing. Buy things only for yourself, not for other people. Wear outdoor gear indoors. Men must wear all-terrain sandals in summer. Insist on going to just one or two favourite restaurants. Queue outside them rather than going to equally good empty ones next door. Cram your diary full. It doesn't matter if the fixtures clash. Just be late for everything. Sign up for courses to do yoga and learn a foreign language, but don't go. Take out a hugely expensive health-club membership, but don't go.